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I hate goodbyes.

SEPT 28 2022| 5 MINS

By Brandie Janay Sanders

I remember the deep talks, the genuine connections, and the seasons of genuine happiness. I think that’s the hardest part about life and relationships. We connect with people and things that often become just a memory. I hate goodbyes and I’ve never been good at them. I hate goodbyes because I hate losing. I lost friends I would have given my last for over small misunderstandings and some big miscommunications. I watched these people I had parted ways with seemingly moving on with ease, while I struggled to manage the loss long after it had occurred. I would replay situations and battle with regret about what I could have done differently. . .

C O N T I N U E  R E A D I N G.

The selfish side of people pleasing

JULY 19 2022| 5 MINS

By Brandie Janay Sanders

While making projects out of people, I was avoiding the real project of loving myself. What seemed like a selfless act was in reality very much selfish. The benefit of doing for others was the feeling I got in return. I didn’t feel happy unless someone else was making me that way, and how much I liked a person was very much so based on how much I felt they liked me. As a person who genuinely considered myself kind and always willing to go above and beyond for others. I found it quite infuriating and insulting when someone would call me selfish when I felt I was being selfless. But all of my relationships had one thing in common. They at one point made me feel. . .

C O N T I N U E  R E A D I N G.

The Invisible Void

JUNE 11 2022| 5 MINS 

By Brandie Janay Sanders

What’s wrong with you? That emptiness, high temperament, and sensitivity to fall entirely apart following a seemingly small negative event or sense of abandonment can leave many on the outside asking the question, what is wrong with you? That question becomes daunting because it is an immediate reminder that while my emotional instability is an obvious negative energy transfer to those around me, It is often a question I did not know how to answer at first, I didn’t know how to explain the reason for my sudden mood change or impulsive responses. I hated pinning things on childhood abandonment. I dreaded most social events because I did not have the desire to explain myself repeatedly or engage in meaningless small talk. . .

C O N T I N U E  R E A D I N G..

An Empaths Way out of Codependency.

JAN 2 2022| 5 MINS 

Written By Brandie Janay Sanders

One day this past summer I decided to attend a class on dream interpretation and Astro travel. She mentioned the importance of relaxation and the absence of fear when trying to Astro travel. I instantly inquired what that means for those of us who struggle with anxiety and whose minds are constantly in somewhat of a state of fear and worry. She responded by looking at me and saying… it’s not fear that fuels your anxiety it’s your empathy. She insinuated she felt my energy and my strong desire to help others, followed by saying “the. . .

 C O N T I N U E  R E A D I N G.

28 Golden Truths I Learned

Before My 28th Birthday!

September 28, 2021 | 4 MINS

Written By Brandie Janay Sanders

I turned 28 on the 28th of this month. It's my Golden birthday. So, I'm celebrating by sharing 28 truths that are Golden to me. 1. Self-reflection is the ultimate form of self-care. When you take the time to reflect on why you are the way you are and what influences your decisions, behavior, and attitudes, you have the opportunity to strengthen your mind-body, and soul and you gain the confidence to just be, without self-doubt and the need for reassurance. 2. Being uncomfortable is a good thing. It means you are aware, it means you are being challenged to make a change and the only way to remedy uncomfortably is to first acknowledge it. 3. Understand more and internalize less. Learn to process life as it is, rather than how you think it should be. . .

C O N T I N U E   R E A D I N G.

Overthinking: The Worst Controlling Behavior

MAY 7, 2021 | 4 MINS

Written By Brandie Janay Sanders

At some point, we have all spent way too long dwelling on something or someone. The mind is powerful and sometimes if we don’t pay enough attention it can cause us to have a very distorted view of ourselves and others. There are several tips and words of advice on how to prevent, minimize or handle overthinking. I think most of those things while helpful frankly don’t seem to provide the most needed relief from the vicious cycle of our own thoughts. It wasn’t until one day I was sharing my thoughts with someone who in turn told me this; “even enjoy anything because you’re always thinking of the worst possible outcome.” These words were a huge eye-opener to me. Perhaps more than any self-help lines or words of advice I had heard before. . .

C O N T I  N  U E   R E A D I N G

What Every Black Therapist Wants Her Potential Black Clients to Know. 

FEB 16, 2021 | 4 MINS                                                                         

Written By Brandie Janay Sanders

We have learned from the Black Emotional And Mental Health Collective that “Black people are 7 times more likely to live in areas with limited access to mental health care. There is a shortage of black mental health providers, and only a third of Black people who need mental health services receive treatment.” Every black therapist wants you to know that we hold ourselves to a very different standard than some of our counterparts. We know the struggles of systemic racism and discrimination and the effects it has on mental health personally. We want to encourage people of color to seek out therapeutic intervention as opposed to chucking up certain things as,”. . .

C O N T I  N  U E   R E A D I N G

8 Things I Learned About Being An Introspective Introvert That Not Many People Understand. 

FEB 2, 2021 | 6 MINS                                                                         

Written By Brandie Janay Sanders

Not all introverts are alike. There are different kinds of introverted personality and before you assume you know us based on our behavior, we want you to understand what kind of introvert we are before writing us off as socially awkward or distant. Social introverts are often just people who prefer being alone, not because they are shy or anxious but because they want to. Anxious introverts often border on social anxiety they actually feel at crowds and groups of people. The restrained introvert is the most common and very similar to the introspective introvert. Restrained introverts are simpler selective they pick and choose who they give their tike energy to based on energy. So here’s what an introspective introvert needs you to understand about them. . .                                                                          

 C O N T I  N  U E   R E A D I N G

I Am More Powerful Than My Fear.

JAN 30, 2021 | 3 MINS                                                                         

Written By Brandie Janay Sanders

I can remember the first time I felt real fear. I can remember the first time I felt doubt. I can remember the first time I was praised, and the first time I was criticized. I can remember every time I let my fear get in the way of me pursuing something I really wanted to do. It’s slightly funny to think that anxiety is just excessive fear. That something we feel so naturally can abruptly overpower us and leave us defeated. I was so frequently second-guessing my goals, my plans, and my dreams because of the possible outcome of imperfection. I was always striving for the power to control my own outcomes. . .                                                                             

   C O N T I N U E   R E A D I N G

Maladaptive.

DEC 30, 2020 | 3 MINS                                                                         

Written By Brandie Janay Sanders

Maladaptive behaviors inhibit your ability to adjust healthily to particular situations. In essence, they prevent you from adapting or coping well. Lesson two from my mental mirror is called maladaptive due to the several times I failed at EFFECTIVELY coping with my trauma. We all like to feel “healed” and active when working to process negative events. I think this lesson was the most important for me in understanding who I am, and how I process things. I found it incredibly important to ask myself: Is this helping me or simply distracting me. . . 

C O N T I N U E  R E A D I N G

Release.

DEC 17, 2020 | 2 MINS                                                                         

Written By Brandie Janay Sanders

The biggest lesson I learned this year was the importance of release. I considered naming this blog let it go… but it didn’t quite describe the message I wanted to share. In fact, I have a bit of a distaste for the phrase “let it go.” It’s almost like telling someone to “get over it.” Which is definitely easier said than done. To me, the release is more than letting something go. . .

C O N T I  N U E   R E A D I N G

My Safe Place.

DEC 6 2020 | 5 MINS                                                                         

Written By Brandie Janay Sanders

Where is your safe place? It’s a question that is asked very often in therapy. Where do you feel the safest? When you are little your safe place can often be found in material things: a blanket, a stuffed animal, or anything that made you feel comfort in times of distress. Somewhere along the way to adulthood, I stopped learning a safe place is not material or physical. We move from our favorite stuffed animal and tend to look for people to create a safe space for us. I wanted for a long time for my partner to create a safety net for me. A place for me . . .                                             

C O N T I N U E   R E A D I N G

The Ugly Truth About Closure.

NOV 30, 2020 | 5 MINS                                                                         

Written By Brandie Janay Sanders

The need for closure often comes from feeling shut out or rejected and the inability to voice or share how that rejection has served as a traumatic experience in our lives. Yes, rejection is trauma. Heartbreak is trauma. Even deep disappointment is trauma. When someone is rejected and refused honest answers about why; they are left with anger resentment and confusion. . .                                                 

  C O N T I N U E R  E A D I N G

Black Women in Leadership.

NOV 15 2020 | 3 MINS                                                                         

Written By Brandie Janay Sanders

What is it like being a black woman in leadership at a predominantly white company? Whew. To start it’s been a challenge. Advancement as a black woman is not always received well by others, especially if others have to watch and witness that growth. I am always putting in the effort to stay true to who I am as a black female while advancing as a professional and remaining effective as a leader. Leadership for me is not about a title, it’s about setting an example. . .                   

C O N T I N U E   R E A D I N G

My People and My Peace.

OCT 27, 2020| 3 MINS                                                                         

Written By Brandie Janay Sanders

How do you stay positive around negative people? Whew, it’s a tough one. Negative people can trigger you in ways that might also make you negative. When you are an over-thinker being around negative people can be toxic. You might start to feel every comment is a personal jab or insult. But the thing about negative people, most of the time their pessimism is unconscious behavior. The last thing you should try and do is change them. The best thing you can do is change how you react to them. Here are three common things a negative person does or says and how you can remain positive in these situations. . .                                                                                   

C O N T I N U E   R E A D I N G

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Top Posts

MAY 7, 2021 | 4 MINS                   

At some point, we have all spent way too long dwelling on something or someone. The mind is powerful and sometimes if we don’t pay enough attention it can cause us to have a very distorted view of ourselves and others. There are several tips and words of advice on how to prevent, minimize or handle overthinking. I think most of those things while helpful. . .

FEB 2, 2021 | 6 MINS                    

At some point, we have all spent way too long dwelling on something or someone. The mind is powerful and sometimes if we don’t pay enough attention it can cause us to have a very distorted view of ourselves and others. There are several tips and words of advice on how to prevent, minimize or handle overthinking. I think most of those things while helpful. . .

DEC 30, 2020 | 3 MINS                                   

The biggest lesson I learned this year was the importance of release. I considered naming this blog let it go… but it didn’t quite describe the message I wanted to share. In fact, I have a bit of a distaste for the phrase “let it go.” It’s almost like telling someone to “get over it.” Which is definitely easier said than done. . .

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